DBFC 5 : 0 Rude Bar

Venue: Po Kong Village Road Pitch 2.   Time: 17:30

Scorers: Rob Scott x 3, Matt Zoeller and Scott Holmes.

Assists: Ben x 2, Rob Scott, Dom and Lord Zoeller

Weather Conditions: Clear blue skies, slight south-westerly breeze and a balmy temperature of 28.2 degrees (at kick off). Pollution count was extremely high.

Team: Martin (GK), Morse (LB), Benny Roberts (RB), Kieran and Riggers (CB), Robert Scott (LW), Danny Loup (RW), Steve and Pascal (CM) with Dom in the hole and Lord Zoeller up top. Subs: Scotty Holmes, David R and Darius.

DBFC probably started well and probably had the kick-off, but your match reporter isn’t sure as he was running around Po Kong Village Road looking for Darius!

When your match reporter did arrive, it was to see Steve McGurgan miss a header from two yards – clearly had been taking notes from Lord Zoeller. In general, DBFC were controlling the game but we were trying to do too much and many of our passes went astray with a lot of loose control on show all over the pitch.

We were having some joy down the wings with both Danny and Rob Scott getting a few crosses in, which resulted in a few goal mouth scrambles – but we still couldn’t score. After one particularly badly missed chance from Dom, an irate Morse shouts at the bench “Gaz, if we don’t score – we can’t win!” A truly logical point put forward by the man from Dudley.

Rude Bar players were getting a few chances of their own, with a lot of joy from their fast right winger. Fortunately, apart from a few hairy moments, Riggers and Morse handled the boy quite well. From a nice piece of defensive work, DBFC got their goal – Morse tackled his man and the ball broke to Rigger’s, who shifted it right to the man with Vaseline for eyebrows, Kieran, who then passed it to Ben. Ben collected the ball, looked up, and floated a beauty of a through ball over to Robert Scott, who chested the ball and then volleyed it past the keeper to put DBFC 1-0 up.

We quickly doubled the lead from a miss-hit Rob Scott corner. The ball trickled along the ground and was turned in at the near post by Lord Zoeller to put DBFC 2-0 up.

DBFC were seeing out the half quite comfortably, that was until Rude Bar got a penalty. From a throw in, the man was tracked as he ran onto a flick on. Danny Loup was nutmegged by the RBFC forward (Danny’s old flat-mate) to get into the DBFC box and then decided to run into Kieran’s leg to buy a penalty off the referee. Kieran was obviously upset at this play acting but controlled his reaction by having a face-off with the RBFC penalty taker; eyeballing him and asking about his penalty taking experience. This may have worked because the Rude Bar played skied his penalty and we went into half time with a two goal lead.

The half time team talk focused on using the ball better and keeping it simple. Kieran urged calmness.  Danny Loup, who looking like Casper the ghost with a patchy beard came off for Darius to go RM and Dom came off for Scotty Holmes to go LM with Rob Scott moving to Dom’s No. 10 position.

The second half started well, with the exception of poor Steve McG having to hobble off with a heel injury. So with barely 10 minutes gone, Dom came back on into Steve’s CM position. Steve lay down on the sideline in a seemingly mermaid position and his disappointment didn’t last long as he soon found entertainment following the progress of the one toothed linesman.

The third goal soon arrived. Some great work down the wing between Ben and Darius, and to Zoeller who skinned his man and unselfishly played in Rob Scott to tap in from six yards out.

DBFC were now playing really well and getting chance after chance, with the RBFC goalie pulling off his best saves for Zoeller shots. The keeper though soon had no chance, when Dom set up Scotty Holmes on the edge of the box to rifle a low hard shot in to the RBFC net just inside the post and put DBFC 4-0 up.

Four goals soon became five goals for DBFC when Ben put in an excellent ball over the top for Rob Scott to be, once again, one on one with the RBFC keeper. Rob made no mistake and smashed the ball into the roof of the RBFC net. DBFC were now 5-0 up and making the game go down easy street. With 8 minutes remaining on the clock, this was time for some classical tactical substitutions. Danny Loup came on at LB for Morse, who had put in a shift and a half and, in order to put some control on proceedings up front and show how a football is actually plucked out of the air with finesse, David came on for Lord Zoeller.

Unfortunately, Lord Zoeller wasn’t going quietly. With a performance so far that yielded a shots to goals ratio that would even make Andy Cole cringe,  and with the control of an elephant and a turning circle of a cruise ship – Zoeller still thought he had time to “bang in 5 or 6 more goals, Gaz, for the goal difference, Gaz”. Oh Zoeller – what are you like?

The game finished with, surprisingly, no more goals…

MOM: Many people played well in the second half. But Ben was good the whole game and had two fine assists.

DOD: Lord Zoeller of Gold Coast for tantrum of season.