Discovery Bay FC 4 : 0 Club Tropicana

Scorers: Jordan R, Dom, Darius and Halder. Assists: Ben, Zoeller x2 and Darius

Date & Venue: 22 April, 2017 – Happy Valley Pitch 2.

Team: Don Alessio (GK), Morse (LB) David and Kieran D (CBs), Ben Roberts (RB), Danny Loup (LW), Pascal & Jordan Roberts (CM), Darius (RW) with Dom at No.10 and Scotty Holmes up front. Simon was on the bench and joined by late comers Halder, Steve McG and “Lord Zoeller of Gold Coast”.

Things were fairly frantic before the game with nearly everyone arriving late and having Gaz running around dishing out kits, forgotten socks and shorts, tape and Vaseline. After his mini meltdown over where we should put our bags (so he could keep an eye on them during the game), we eventually went to the opposite side of the pitch to start a fragmented warm up that consisted of a few stretches. Gaz was left to cool down while pumping-up the balls.

Gaz named the team, gave Kieran the armband and explained that now he’s back DBFC were to rediscover winning ways by working hard, keeping shape and playing sensible football. Help each other with lots of talking and encouragement.

The game kicked off and DBFC made a good start to take immediate control, passing the ball around confidently. Darius was getting on the end of a few decent Ben long balls down the right wing and this was causing havoc in the Tropics defence. Our constant pressure down the right wing paid dividends when we won a succession of throw-ins and a long (trade-mark) throw from Ben near the corner flag was flicked on by Jordan Roberts at the Tropics near post past their keeper and into the goal to put us ahead.

After the shock of the first goal, Tropics got into the game a bit more and were having some joy down the wings. DBFC defended fairly well but gave away a few cheap free kicks, one of which was smashed against our cross bar. A big let off.

With 20 minutes gone Gaz accepted Jordan’s request to come off to tape up his shin pads and put Steve on in midfield as his replacement. With 25 minutes gone Kieran ran to the sideline with a screwed up face asking to be subbed and kept on running out of the park (later we find out he had stomach cramps busting for a dump) so Steve moved to CB and Jordon came back on at CM. With 30 minutes gone Scotty Holmes went to head a cross with the Tropics CB and took a blow to the back of his head and neck. A dazed Scotty was taken off for Halder. With 32 minutes gone David got a big wack to his foot after heroically clearing the ball and had to come off. Fortunately Kieran had returned from the toilet and as a straight sub for David at CB. Gaz was completely dizzy after these 10 minutes of master shuffling and had to sit down to catch his breath. Fortunately for him the rest of the half was plain sailing and DBFC went in at the break 1-0 up.

The half time talk was Gaz praising the good work rate and passing and asked for more of the same. Halder, who was complaining of fatigue after his 10 minute cameo, came off for “Lord Zoeller of Gold Coast” to go up front. Simon came on at right back for the mal-nourished Ben.

DBFC started the second half brightly with Zoeller holding the ball up well and bringing Darius, Dom and Danny Loup into play. The second goal quickly came when Danny Loup got the ball from Morse (after some nice passing between Dom, Alessio and our CBs) and Danny passed inside to Zoeller. Zol faked to turn one way, turned the other to slide a nice pass through to the over-lapping Dom, who skinned his man and rifled the ball into the top corner to put DBFC 2-0 up.

DBFC were starting to dominate and any rare Tropic attack was quickly stopped by some excellent tackling from Morse and Steve.  Danny Loup won a corner on the left hand side and Zoeller hit it hard and low towards Steve at the near post. Somehow, the ball went past Steve and all the Tropic defenders to land at Darius’s feet for an easy tap-in from two yards out. DBFC were now 3-0 up with 20 minutes left and Dom saw the opportunity to call it a day and allow his young padawan apprentice Halder to come back on to see out the game.

The DBFC CBs were controlling the game from the back and continued to spray the ball around the back to open up the play. This brought about plenty of chances with the ball going out to the right and left back then down the channels or into Jordan at CM to collect and distribute to the wingers. The fourth goal soon came after a nice piece of play put Darius through on the right who skinned his man and put a cross in. The cross deflected to Halder, who picked his place from the edge of the box to beat the Tropics keeper and make it 4-0 to DBFC. There were a few more chances for DBFC to increase the lead but it didn’t happen so DBFC settled for a 4-0 well deserved win.

MOM: Kieran was a rock at CB and so was Morse at LB, Jordan played well throughout and Danny Loup had a marathon shift. Dom also played very well and scored a great goal. The award however goes to Darius, who was excellent on the day, skinning defenders at will and doing the defensive work. A good addition to the squad! (Thanks to our Swiss agent Reto for the find).

DOD: You would expect your CB having to run of the pitch for a pooh-break, to be a cert for DOD.  However, as usual, the collection of weirdos in our team gave Kieran a run for his money. Ben revealing that he had never operated a kettle in his life was certainly a bit sad, whilst “Lord Zoeller of Gold Coast” was complaining of fatigue after he completed a toddler’s obstacle course in Yuen Long. Halder for moaning constantly on the side about being tired also made one question his place on earth. But it is Kieran that can’t avoid this honour for the classic “sh*t during a game”.

Report by David and edited by Gaz.